Compassionate Detachment – a Buddhist Perspective

Prayer and meditation are the same in that they are both inducing altered states of consciousness but they are also fundamentally different. When you are in prayer, much of the time you are asking or hoping for fulfillment of your desires. You are asking for assistance to enable your cravings and, in doing so, you prolong your suffering. When you meditate you are stilling the mind and disengaging from craving and desire. You are peaceably tuning your senses down so that you can paradoxically heighten them. This is a great skill.

When you are able to settle the mind there is no need for prayer because there is nothing that you need, there is nothing that you desire and there is no outcome that you are unduly attached to.

When you accept the nature of things you are free to let go of your desire to control things. In doing so you allow yourself to enjoy life with a lightness of heart.

When you realize that it is the nature of things to change then you stop being surprised and dismayed by things that naturally fall away.

When you are detached you realize that this is not an excuse to avoid caring for yourself or others or your surroundings. It is important that you take care of your shelter and your body as these things allow you to continue living but do not be deluded into thinking that your actions will allow you to live forever or that taking good care of your home will allow it to remain untarnished and unworn.

At some point we will all leave this earth and all of the things around us will crumble and disappear. Through understanding this is it is possible to care ‘enough’ for our self and our belongings without getting too attached and it is possible to care enough about others without desiring to change or control them.

When you want to do something in your life that it purposeful this is good but, realize that those with a cause often do more harm than good. When you are passionate about something you often push others away and segregate yourself from others. When you have a cause you are putting it above others and in doing good you may also cause others to feel dis-empowered. Seek not to have a cause. Do things and take action wisely but do not feel that anything is more important than the present moment.

When you are attempting to move forward with some action or some idea and you become blocked, do not become stressed or angry just flow around the block. Become like water taking the path of least resistance. When water comes up against a block it flows through the cracks and around the object. If water just kept trying to get through that one spot then a dam would build up and the water would stagnate. This is not good for the nature of water. Water needs movement and change. This is the nature of water. If the water fought and fought and managed to break the dam then there would just be a great mess. There is no need for such mess or such suffering. When you are blocked, take the path of least resistance until more options open up to you. It is not a sign that you can or cannot achieve something it is simply a matter of karma or timing.

As soon as you can accept this then your flow returns to you. If you are meditating or concentrating on something and you get distracted do not be angry or disappointed. It is in the nature of people to be alert to other things going on in the environment. When you realize that there is no threat then you can settle back down again. No harm done.

Action first then wisdom. We learn from our actions and our practice. When you are reading about something it is easy to intellectualize it. It is easy to generate many questions and to talk about the ins and outs of something for many days and months without getting started. If you get started you see what the action involves. Then your questions are useful and you see that many of the questions that you were going to ask fall away and become irrelevant. When you practice, you understand. When you understand you know and when you practice, understand and know then, you have wisdom. From wisdom comes enlightenment which is a setting down of all of those things that cause suffering and transcending the self into a peaceful nothingness.

Did you enjoy your lunch today? Yes. Could you have enjoyed more? Probably, could you have enjoyed less? Maybe, could you have enjoyed something different? Could you have enjoyed nothing?

An enlightened one would answer yes to all of these questions because they are not attached to their external circumstances and they have trained themselves to accept each and every moment for what it is. If there is food they can eat and if there is no food it is not a problem because at some other point there is bound to be. They endure each moment willingly without stress and because they detach from the desire to eat or be full or enjoy a specific meal, and because they detach from the desire to control their circumstances they are free to not worry about what will happen next. If you can endure hardship in this moment with a smile on your face then you are learning.

If you can endure pleasure in this moment with a smile on your face then you are learning also.

Compassionate detachment allows for contentment in all circumstances. Compassionate detachment allows us to learn from all that is around us, those things that we consider to be good and those things that we consider to be bad. Remove the judgment and you remove the suffering. See hardships as something that will pass and joys and triumphs as something that will also pass and you will not try so hard to move on or hold on. You begin to enjoy the flow of life and enjoy the rich experiences which come your way. You get to experience illness and irritability and these are a blessing and a gift if you look at them the right way.

When you see things the right way the suffering disappears.

Positive Emotion

We are told that our thoughts have power and that what we think about we bring about, but the truth is that it is the emotional state of mind that determines the outcome not the specific thought. When you are over run with stress or fear or worry or anxiety or any other name for the difficult feelings that you experience, then your request is held back.

Put out positive feelings and positive emotion and this pays far greater dividends.

Simplicity Leads to Good Health

Focus only on what is important. Nourish your body, mind and spirit with good food, positive thoughts and affirmative actions.

Make sure that you consider everything in terms of simplicity. What is the most simple way to think about this? What is the most simple way to put this together or set this up? What is the most simple way to explain this to somebody who is just starting out?

These simplicity based questions will give you quality in your answers without overtaxing your resources.

When you suffer from any sort of physical illness it is often because your mind has attempted to regulate your body rather than letting the body do it for itself. Get back in connection with your body’s needs and these things can sort themselves out.

What is the most simple way to do this?

Practice meditation. This allows the brain to relax and not feel that it has to be responsible for everything. You do not need to do this with others unless it is particularly convenient. Simply play a track that is soothing and visualise peace, calm and quiet. It is persistence that will compound these excellent effects.

I know that you are adding up the commitment level here but do not let these things overwhelm you. Implement them one at a time. If you walk an hour over the course of your day, you stretch for two half hour sessions a day and meditate for two half hour sessions a day it may seem like a lot but the benefits to your health, longevity and satisfaction are vast and they will make all your other endeavours come simply and easily.

When you begin to feel more energetic and vibrant and you see your health improving then you will be inspired to fuel your body with nourishing foods and this will not be a burden.

These are the foundations of good health and long life. If you choose to embrace the simplicity and make the time for these foundations over and above any other activity, then you will have plenty of space and calm to fulfill your purpose.

If you attempt to do this backwards, that is, work or fulfill your purpose first, then eventually the body breaks down and you end up where you feel you are today.


Simplify, simplify and simplify.

Hold The Vision

All you have to do is hold the vision and the rest will take care of itself. You say you do not know what the vision is but you do. If you stand still long enough to hear your own voice you will know what you are here for. You spend time telling yourself that you don’t know, or that you are not sure but you are sure and you do know. Stop making excuses for yourself and start living it. Start living the life that you have made for yourself and if you do not like the life that you have made for yourself then make another one.

Thinking For Ourselves

We need to get better at recognizing the old world when we see it. It is in the old ways of doing things that seem unproductive. The old world creates work for the sake of creating work. The old world is always insisting on red tape and holding up good ideas. The old world sees the debate as the end result rather than as the pathway to change.

This is not to say that we should ever ignore the needs of others but it means that when you have a good idea that has benefit for all, then there should be no barrier in implementing these new systems whilst the energy flow is there.

When you are relying on what is already in place without asking why and for what purpose then you are getting sucked into the old world.

You do not immediately need to know how to be in the new world as the systems are still in development but you will know that arguing, fighting, contracting, paranoia and rigid thinking are all of the old world. When you have something that you need to share with the world, you should not be held back by traditional forms of advertising etc. You should not allow yourself to be bought or sold.

In the new world we operate with integrity, respect and word of mouth. Funnily enough this is something that we used to do long ago but this has been forgotten. We all need to move away from sales and instead focus on having our concept available.

We need to begin to rely on synchronicity to guide our schedule and our inspiration. We need to reduce the pace of life so that we can be more efficient and more productive. The governments of the world feel that if we just keep producing and selling and borrowing that all will be well and that if we do something radical like have integrity and be responsible then they lose control.

This is a scary concept and they genuinely believe that marketplaces would crumble, jobs would be lost and people would suffer, but this is just not true.

The new world involves a more relaxed pace, reasonable working hours and conditions, inspired thinking and simple living. It is still possible to be clean, simple, fun and productive and maintain a viable economy; we just need to do it.

We need to be personally responsible for ourselves and for helping others as required. We need to move out of the victim patterning so that we are not expecting handouts. We need to all focus on getting better in our own way without excessive reliance on doctors to make us better and schools and universities to educate us.

We need now, to begin to think for ourselves. Yes a scary thought given that I am unsure as to when we last did this. We need to ‘Google’ less and reason more. We need to be become clear on our own ideas before we flood ourselves with other people’s answers.

Today we are being traumatised on a large scale by not only seeing the devastation around us, but oftentimes viewing it live, as it happens. We see the tragedies and we seek to solve old conflicts with old solutions.

We cannot simultaneously solve all of the problems of the world at once, but if one person has a good idea and implements it and then another person has a good idea and implements it and then another and another, then maybe we actually can create change that is positive.

If you want to read five books you need to open just to one page and start there. Your eyes cannot process five books simultaneously. If you attempt this you will become overloaded. The people of today are essentially trying to do too much at once and they are breaking down.

We have been tricked into thinking that we can have everything we have ever thought of and everything that we haven’t even thought of, right now and that if we don’t then we are missing out. This is not the truth people! We need to stop believing lies.

We only have this life to live right now. There is no point in trying to do everything. The amount of information and experience available to us grows by the second. We used to feel grateful when labour saving devices became available but instead these devices have made life more complicated. All of these devices require additional features that are constantly upgraded and they all cost more and more money. We will never be able to buy something once and have it for ten years because as soon as we swipe our credit cards the item has already been out-dated by something that is newer, better and more essential.

When we finally feel that we are on top of our obsession with our regularly updated cars, houses, holidays, smart phones, tablets and gaming systems etc. we are introduced to…ta da SPACE TRAVEL!!

Now we NEEEEEEED to set our sights on getting into space because Earth is so boring now. But we don’t need to save because that is something that doesn’t exist any more. Now you buy everything on a credit card or a pay later plan and in sixty years time you will still be working to pay for the meals that you ate and the toys that you played with in the last century.
When you die it doesn’t really matter because all of your debt will be passed off to someone else and they will just add it to their credit card or their pay it later plan and continue to exhaust themselves in pursuit of all of the ‘stuff’ that is essential for their generation.

So how do you recognise the old world? Well if it feels like it might drown you if you paid attention to it then it is probably old world.

The new world is still enjoyable and fun and contains plenty for the sensation seekers among us but it is also reasonable, relaxing and balanced. It is centred around real connections with loved ones, satisfying hard work and contribution to something more than just the self.

In the new world we don’t sell, sell, sell and we don’t just buy, buy, buy. We pause and we reflect a little more. We make choices that fill us will a strange feeling called contentment. This is not stagnant or unchanging but it is empowering and fresh and life giving. When we step into the new world we do not think less, we think better. We allow ourselves to have inspiration and we get excited by life instead of dreading it.

In the new world the children actually want to grow up! They actually see the joy in becoming an adult. They want to be a grown up because it is achievable, not because they are trying to escape the torture that has become their childhood.

Children at the moment are trapped with all of the responsibilities of adults as far as expectations of education, consumerism and production, but without any of the privileges or means by which to meet their own needs. In some respects the children have had to be responsible for their unprepared parents who are still stuck in between phases of being a child and being an adult as well.

When their parents were kids they didn’t have the toys and the gadgets. They don’t want to miss out on all this new stuff so they become childlike again. The children have been born into a world where these gadgets are commonplace and so they are bored easily and are looking to their parents to show them what it is like to be an adult. What they see is a tech obsessed society that forgets to eat and move and sleep and so the children assume that this is normal.

Because we are so caught up in this world we actually expect more from our children then we expect from ourselves. We expect them to work five days a week at school and then do homework after hours. We expect them to do as we say and be respectful and attentive and we expect them to do all of this without pay and without complaint and without any of the perks of being an adult.

We however, refuse to behave in the same way as adults. We defy authority; get caught up in politics and news and technology. We push ourselves to work harder and play harder and we get frustrated with our children when they don’t fit in.

We have lost sight of what being an adult is actually about. We get angry with the government for not providing for us and we get angry that we need to spend money on stupid things like doctors and underwear and groceries. Our brains have been so fried that we genuinely don’t remember any other way to live and we can’t be bothered bursting our bubble because if we don’t think about it, it doesn’t exist.

When we get sick or breakdown and have to step out of this crazy old world that we have created, we realise that we have attempted to survive in the world sustaining ourselves only with wants and not needs and we believe that the basics like air and water can be easily replaced with take away and soft drinks. Our bodies do a magnificent, selfless job trying to keep up with these demands and when they suddenly break we want it to be everyone else’s fault.

We forget, we suppress and we deny, but the truth keeps coming back. We need to change. We need to remember a new world. We need to say no to the old world ways. We need to start thinking for ourselves. We need to retrain our brains to focus. We need to relearn how to listen and how to speak and how to walk and how to physically and mentally BE in this new world.

We need smaller houses so that they are easier to maintain. We need to cook for ourselves with local products. We need to sleep regular hours, drink plenty of this stuff called ‘tap water’; we need to walk more and move around so that our bodies do not stiffen up or shut down. We need to learn to talk to people face to face. We need to save for things and stop digging ourselves into a deeper hole. We need to let go of things that are not helping us and we need to say no to the obsession of upgrading every day. Most importantly we need to show our children how to do this also.

We may think that it is hard work but if we don’t do something different then where will we be in ten years from now??

Pick Up After Yourself

When you do not pick up after yourself you are announcing that you don’t care anymore and that you do not respect yourself or those around you.

This may be the case and if it is, it needs to be dealt with more directly but, if it is not the case then your behaviour is communicating the wrong message.

When we don’t pick up after ourselves it is often because something lacks a home or we have too much stuff.

We need to respect our stuff and to care for it.  If we are unable to do this then we need to pack it away or get rid of it.

Kids are infinitely creative but we keep wanting them to switch it off.  We buy them lots of toys with a specific purpose and we discourage creative pursuits.
Get rid of these things.  Your children will not be bored with 5 toys each and 5 shared toys.  Try it and judge for yourself.

Involve them and see how much fun they can have with this adventure.


2014 is the year of life coming together. This is the year of putting aside the past, forgiving life for being so hard on you and for choosing not to be angry at your circumstances anymore. This is the year for consolidating your energy and living simply with great satisfaction.

This is the year for getting back to basics and clearing out your physical possessions, getting your physical body fit and strong and adjusting your attitude so that you are confident, strong and mentally focused.

This is the year when you stop selling your future and instead, focus on increasing the power of your income to support you in the present, to preserve your future and to balance debts from the past.

This is the year of discovering the lifestyle that has eluded you in the last few years. It does not involve great expense but it does involve great enjoyment.

This is truly going to be a wonderful year.

If this is the kind of year that you would also like to have, then the articles to come will be worth looking at. This year we will be discussing these topics in greater detail, with the aim to inspire you to make positive changes in your life and be all that you want to be.

The first Article in this series is called Stop Selling your Future. It makes us aware of all the ways that we book ourselves up and commit ourselves financially, physically and emotionally. It puts a different spin on time and financial management and gives practical ways to clean up the past and save for your future by giving yourself a far more enjoyable and satisfying present.

So Stop Selling Your Future When you buy on credit you are always a month behind. The money that comes in is already allocated to covering last month’s expenses that weren’t paid for because last month you used your income to pay for the previous months expenses.

Putting things on credit ensures that you will always be behind. You will always be obligated to keep working more and more because you are paying not only for the cost of the things that you purchased but also interest or a credit surcharge on purchases. Even if you pay it off at the end of each month you will still not be ahead.

When you get up to date and break this cycle you will find that your money has more power. When you pay for things on the spot, in cash, you do not have to think about it again. You will not be working hard to pay for takeaway dinners from 3 months ago.

When you reverse this, the work you did in the past will be paid in the future. The thoughts you had in the past will come into fruition in the future and the savings that you are accruing will protect you in the future.

When you decide to live in the present you still have some cleaning up to do of the past and some preparation to do for the future, but most of your time can be spent enjoying what you are doing right now.

When you give yourself permission to live in the present you appreciate life more. You are not always thinking about what has to be done next or where you are going in the next minute. You have planning time for that. There is time that you have put aside to take care of those details. For now you are free to enjoy the experience of being.

When you live in the present but allocate enough time to the past, then you have a space for cleaning things up and getting things in order. This is the time for completing projects from the past. Tidying up and cleaning out old paperwork and de-cluttering is no longer a hassle because once you have taken care of it, it is done. It is finished and you will not have to do this again.

As you allocate time to the future, you make the time to dream and plan and visualise how you would like your life to be. You can be inspired and set goals and get your systems and philosophies in place. Putting in place good plans in your future time makes for a much more pleasant present.

Creating A Legacy

Love, it is important, and some would argue that it’s all there is, but how do we live a life of love? How do we actually express it in our daily actions? How do we truly communicate to someone how much we love them and how much we care, without overwhelming them or smothering them?

In our hearts we hold so much love, but sometimes it feels like it’s locked up. Somewhere in there, is the key to releasing it and sharing it. Somewhere in there, is the key to understanding. On some level we know that we would not seek something that is impossible, so we know that we must be able to find the answer somehow.

We come into this world with a unique calling and I believe that we have lost the keys to unlocking it. We are waiting for it to be presented to us, as we are used to having everything at our finger tips. Let’s be honest if the laptop takes more than 30 seconds to load we are already over it!

I think though, that we have forgotten to be persistent, and we have forgotten to give life a go. We are all striving to have the most comfort and entertainment in our lives, and we have forgotten that sometimes we need to work for these things in order to appreciate them.

Where in your life are you truly inspired? Where in your life are you working hard and enjoying the labour? What are you creating in your life that will last longer than a few minutes, months or years?

In days of old, people built empires with the intention that their legacy would live on. Today we build houses, cars, technology and tools that are designed to self-destruct in a minimum of time. We do not do this to be environmentally friendly mind you, as these things are often not recyclable. We do this because we get bored, want to upgrade or because the manufacturers want us to buy more.

We live in a consume and throw away, society, and we are treating our bodies and our lives the same way. We have developed an attitude that we are here for a good time, and not a long time, and we build a future to last 3-5 years before we decide to dispose of it and build a different one.

What is this doing to our world? What sort of stability is this providing for our children and our loved ones?

We have lost the art of determination and persistence. We have forgotten how to focus. Instead of training ourselves to get these things back, we decide that we will play and enjoy ourselves until we find our purpose. We associate purpose with hard work so we wait for someone to present it to us, rather than taking the initiative to seek it for ourselves. What we don’t realise is that when we have purpose in our lives, we can love, work, play, enjoy ourselves and create a legacy that will last forever.

Take some time today to consider what legacy you would like to create. Consider some ways that you can build some permanency in your life. Consider how you express love, and how you want others to remember you, now, today and in the future.


The hardest tests are the ones we deny ourselves. Not because they are actually hard, but because we push them so far out of our reach that it hurts to travel so far to retrieve them.

You are so afraid that you will not be good enough that you purposefully fail so that you will be permitted to give up.

You are terrified of going backwards and you are terrified of going forwards and yet you are not stuck because life is going forward whether you permit it or not.

So now you get to choose.

Give yourself permission to take what is rightfully yours, get organised so you have some sense of control and embrace the changes around you,

Or, Suffer.

You can be a mother at 70kg or you can be a mother at 90kg. Either way it is happening.

You choose.

You can have the highest level of qualification or you can regret not being organized.

You choose.

You can put up with a bad situation and suffer for it, or you can stop being scared, stop playing it safe, embrace the changes that are coming and whole heartedly dive in.

You choose.

All of these experiences can be magical depending on how you allow yourself to receive them.

You do not need to be sick to enjoy these changes, as life does not accept your excuses.

Life will not go easy on you because you are sick or because you deserve it. You have to choose to meet life on your feet, not on your knees or face planted on the ground.

The ocean waves do not stop coming because you have wiped out, and you cannot expect them to.

It is not the world’s job to change around you or to accommodate you, it is your job to change and adapt to your circumstances.

You can give up and be wiped out by each and every wave or you can damn well get up and learn to surf!

Even though it’s cold and wet and difficult, when you have learned how to do it you will love it. Nothing will be out of your reach and every test will become easy.

It’s your life. It’s your choice.

The only way to fight fear is with action.

You are only afraid of what you want.

What you want is worth fighting for.

You can have it all and hate it or you can have it all and love it.

Your choice.

You choose.


Don’t let anyone or anything feed off your family. Don’t let anyone or anything feed off your soul.

Be clear that you are no dying carcass, that you are strong and healthy and vital, and that your energy is your own.

Do not be a parasite to others. Do not cling and suck and be jealous.

I take and I give. I reap and I sow. I open and I close. This is my life, my power and my time. So be it.  So be it. So be it.

Do not allow your children to become parasites. This is not good for them or anyone they come in contact with.

Help them to empower themselves. Help them to walk away from those things that compel them to forfeit responsibility.

Be responsible to them but do not be responsible for them.

Children need to be children. They need to laugh and have fun and play, but they also need to have responsibilities to this world and so do the adults.

As adults we need to take care of our responsibilities first and then have fun, laugh and play, not the other way around.

When the world is running smoothly and things are on track we all enjoy ourselves.

Do not allow yourself to get addicted to anyone or anything. If you do, you become the parasite.

Do not put up with those who drain your energy and leave you feeling angry, flat or depressed.

Manage your energy people! Tidy up after yourselves emotionally.

Take responsibility for your mess and tidy it up. When we pick up after ourselves the world is a nicer place to live and work in.

No one wants to trip over someone else’s stuff and no one wants to get hit with other people’s emotional baggage. So work on it, deal with it and do something about it, and expect the same of others.

No one wants to know what you had for breakfast. Maintain some privacy and dignity. Share what’s important but don’t pour yourself all over other people. It’s uncomfortable.

And for those who never share, never open up to others, come on! Give it a go. Start making a contribution. We need more than spam on the airways or we just become a planet of Ads.

Let’s create a world of value and meaning.

Let’s take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and actions, and start growing a world that is decent, and that we can be proud of. Let’s stop sucking the life out of each other and start growing strong on positivity.

It is possible and it tastes a lot better than what you had for breakfast today!