I Don’t Have Time

There is always time for the things that are important.

If there are things in your life that are important to you and you are not getting to enjoy them, then you need to seriously rethink what you are doing with your time.

You are the boss of you. Not your job, your partner, your kids, your house or your pets.

We all have limitations. Things that slow us down, get in the way, distract us, or just generally create havoc, but ultimately we are the ones who decide what is important to us and where we spend our time.

If you don’t feel like the boss of you it’s time to ask who is? And why?!

Where did you just spend the last 3 hours? Was it engaged in a really meaningful and important endeavour? If the answer is yes, then you do have time, and if the answer is no, then you do have time.

Time is sneaky. It stretches and contracts and sometimes disappears all together.

We are often so passive with time that it runs amok like a child with no parent. In order to gain value and meaning from life and to do what is important we need not to manage time but to master it.

Time’s greatest trick is that it is waiting. Waiting for someone to come along and claim it. Time likes to muck around and play tricks on us but works hard when it is mastered.

Become the master of your own time. Bend it, stretch it and use it to your advantage. Be clear with time as to what you expect from it. Fill it in with only the important things and it will be proud to mould and bend to your will. Fill it with cheap and irrelevant pursuits and it will run away from you.

Do not let time dictate what you will do, but rather be aware of time and use it to your advantage.

Take those small minutes and turn them into something enjoyable and productive.

Use your good memories from time’s past and happy dreams from time’s future to fill your now with joy.

A happy time means a happy you.

Master time and you will have all the time in the world to enjoy what is important.

Discovering Self-Worth

I was a little Angel and God sent me down to Earth,
He said go now and explore yourself and measure your self-worth.

I said “well this is easy, too easy to be frank,
I’ll just go and sell myself to the local branch of the bank.
They will tell me how much I’m worth and pay a princely sum,
And then I’ll show God how much I’m worth now there will be some fun”.

But the bank they wouldn’t buy me, said self-worth is not measured by wealth,
So I thought ah yes of course it’s not, it must be measured by my health.
So I trotted to the doctor, but woe be had on me,
The doctor said my health was fine and then charged me a fee!

Well he must be a worthy man to charge others for his time,
Maybe education and career’s the answer they will put me in my prime.
And so I went along to school to earn a worthy degree,
But doubt kept creeping up on me maybe family is the key?

And so I quickly went to work to build a better me,
To find a job and find a home and start a family,
Surely doing all of this will show me what I’m worth?
And others will admire me isn’t that why I came to earth?

But somehow having everything made some of my friends seem mad.
It seemed they didn’t like me now with all these dreams I had.
So I got to thinking and I worried day and night,
What good is life without people who care? I’ve got to get this right!

So maybe it’s about sacrifice and giving dreams away?
Then people will admire me surely that’s a worthy price to pay?
And slowly I began to lose myself a little day by day,
Until one day I realized I’d completely lost my way.

***

Then one day I saw a feather fall, it landed in a tree.
I felt a tingling down my spine and asked ‘is this for me?’
I leaned gently over and picked it up, a tear formed in my eye,
A message: ‘Although you want to give it up, now’s the time to try.’

And so I sat and thought awhile about my special task,
And rather than do it on my own I decided to simply ask:

“God, I came here willingly with purpose and with pride,
And now I can’t remember, what I came here to find.
It’s foggy and confusing and I’m sad that I can’t see,
Can’t you send me someone, to make things clear for me?

And then I had a vision of floating by the sea,
An Angel stood and said my name and called it out to me.
I reached out my hand to call her near, wanting to be shown,
But then the vision disappeared and I was once again alone.

Maybe I’m learning about loneliness, or maybe not to care,
Maybe to reject everyone because when I need them they’re not there.
I just wish I could know my path how easy would it be?
Then I’d simply solve the riddle and then I’d be set free.

But the answer didn’t come like that, it developed over time,
As I learned to be gentle with me and all the emotions that were mine,

I realized that it was not my friends rejecting me at all,
It was myself, and all my fears, that led to my downfall.
Everyone was doing their best to play their worthy part,
I just needed to be gentle with myself and nurture my own heart.

So quietly I sat and spoke to God though I heard no reply,
I said “God I accept myself and I’m prepared to try.
I can only do my best and this is ok you see,
I hope you can find me worthy, for I feel worthy of me”

And suddenly I felt a shift occur, a lightness entered me,
And I felt I’d passed a test though one I couldn’t see.

***

Many years down the track, when I was peaceful in my bed,
God came along to take me home and this is what I said:

“What I am is precious; I can’t be bought or sold.
Others can admire me from birth till I grow old,
But no matter what I say or think or how I act or do,
My self-worth is always infinite because I am part of you”.

God smiled down and took my hand and I stood in the light,
“Now you finally understand there is no wrong or right.
You see that earth’s a learning ground, with many lessons tough,
But when you see through all the tricks you see it’s not so rough.”

“Would you like to go back down, another lesson to learn?
Or would you like to stay with me and let another have a turn?
You can watch and guide a little, to help them on their path,
But you cannot interfere and that’s the hardest part.”

I smiled at all the shining beings, beautiful Angels standing near,
Looking down at all the people on Earth and giving each a cheer,
And I was baffled by their loveliness and their beautiful shining wings,
And I was joyful and so curious to ask so many things.

“Were you all here when I was there, all cheering me on?”
“Of course we were and the more we cheered, you see, the more you shone.”
“But I don’t remember hearing you, or seeing you year after year,
And yet now I see the ways you helped it’s all becoming clear.”

“You sent me love; you sent me hope, when I was in despair,
You wrapped me up in loving arms when I felt that I would tear.
Yet how did you know I needed help
And what I was going through?”

And it was God who smiled down at me and said
“I understand because I’m a part of you.”

So now I’m a little Angel and I’m watching over you,
And what ever you are here to learn, I am here – cheering for you.

My Power Doesn’t Understand

I have a power that flows within me. It has been with me for as long as I can remember. My power is large and all encompassing. BUT my power doesn’t understand.

My power doesn’t understand that we cannot be who we need to be all of the time. We need to be quiet and invisible to survive in the world. We cannot do what we want all of the time because life is not about embracing your passion. My power doesn’t understand that this would be selfish.

My power wants to speak the truth but it doesn’t understand how embarrassing that this can be.

My power wants me to change my life and live bigger but it doesn’t understand that the world is a dangerous place.

My power wants me to live in the moment but it doesn’t understand that there is so much that needs planning.

My power wants me to create a strong family but does not realise that this takes time and energy and money and I’m busy just trying to survive.

My power wants me to give more, be more and live more but it doesn’t see that these things are impossible.

I fight and I argue, and I punish and I control, but my power won’t give in. Finally when I have given all the fight I can give I collapse in an exhausted heap and say to my power “fine, you think you can do a better job, fine, go for it. I’m done”. And so I give power back to my power. And a strange thing happens.

I discover;

My power is responsible!

My power cares for me as well as others!

My power nurtures me and soothes my aches and pains!

My power begins to establish new habits and routines that are not so hard after all!

My power faces me in the right direction and carries me to where I need to be when I am too tired to think for myself!

As I grow stronger, and healthier and wiser, I no longer feel embarrassed by my power. Instead I feel lifted up and embraced. I feel powerful in myself and I begin to understand that this is what my power wanted the whole time.

Now I can be myself and follow my passion. I can embrace and create a strong family and make a contribution to the world. I can dream bigger and no longer need to be completely invisible.

My power was right, but it never said “I told you so”.

Now my power and I are friends. We work together and we respect each other. Now I am never alone and it feels just right.

Sometimes I have a falling out with my power and life is still not perfect, but it is better, stronger, safer and happier. I am not everything, but strangely, I no longer feel that I need to be.

How do you get on with your power? How does your power want to help you? Are you prepared to listen?

Balance

Is a guiding principal we all seek it in some way but what is it exactly?
BLEND of   ADVENTURE   LOVE   ACCEPTANCE   NEEDS   COMMITMENT   ENJOYMENT

The key to Balance is to Combine and Blend things so that you do not have too much of one thing and not enough of the other.

Adventure – Without a passion for adventure, life can become very boring. Without adventure in our lives we are not really living. We stick to the same routines and say no to the world out of fear. On the other hand if we are too adventurous, we lack stability and commitment, we become too much of a risk taker and we do not consider our future needs or those of others. A little bit of adventure makes for a nicely balanced life.

Love – We all want to love and be loved but when our desire for love becomes an obsession we enter into a string of unfulfilled relationships all the time questioning what is wrong with us. Some of us put up walls protecting ourselves from being hurt and in the process shut ourselves off from love. Having a balance of giving and receiving love allows us to more fully enjoy the adventure of life.

Acceptance – things change. Nothing in life is forever and nothing in life stays the same. If we have acceptance then we are essentially inoculating ourselves from stress. This is not being passive or helpless or cynical, but understanding that there are some things that we can change and some things that we cannot change helps us to understand where our responsibilities lie. When we know what we are responsible for in life and what we are not responsible for we can more easily reduce stress from our lives.

Needs – when we understand what OUR needs are, not the needs of others, but when we can clearly distinguish what we need, then we can love more easily and accept more easily. When we have a clear boundary between ourselves and others we can move towards making ourselves happy and then sharing this happiness with others rather than relying on others to fulfill or complete us. By understanding and meeting our own needs we are better able to love and feel love from others.

Commitment– Without commitment there is only fear and anxiety. Without commitment it is difficult to consistently achieve. It is only when we make a commitment to ourselves that we can truly respect others. Making a commitment, no matter what or who, it’s to say that you care enough to make positive changes. It means that you want to be here and that giving of yourself actually means something. This is an investment that will pay off in immeasurable ways.

Enjoyment– life is not necessarily meant to be easy, but it is meant to be enjoyed. We are challenged a lot in life in every possible way and life can often feel overwhelming but by remembering that when you blend your adventurous spirit with your ability to love, when you accept yourself and others without judgment, when you respect your needs and the needs of others, when you commit to your responsibilities, and when you make time for enjoyment in most of what you do then you have BALANCE. And with this comes satisfaction, fulfilment and peace.

B – BLEND – Do not be all or nothing; allow moderation into your world.
A – ADVENTURE – embrace your spirit of adventure! Take calculated risks and be bold and daring sometimes. Back yourself. You are worth it and being adventurous is exhilarating.
L – LOVE yourself and be kind to yourself. Love others unconditionally and give yourself the same allowance.
A – ACCEPTANCE – Accept yourself and others without judgement. Accept that life changes. When times are tough they will get better and when times are good it’s ok to savour it.
N – NEEDS. Make time to understand your needs and to understand the needs of others. Where possible seek to meet your own needs, and then where possible and appropriate, seek to meet the needs of others. Allow others the opportunity to meet some of your needs too.
C – COMMITMENT – Make a commitment to your life and to the things that are important. Making a commitment is making an investment in yourself and your aspirations. When you say yes to your dreams your dreams come true.

E – Enjoyment – Pay attention to the things that you enjoy in your life. If you are not enjoying yourself approximately 80% of your time then you might need to change your circumstances or your attitude.

Boundaries

Boundaries are a form of protection but they are also the foundation for experiencing joy. When you are aware of yourself, your wants and needs and when others clearly communicate their wants and needs, you can more easily negotiate good solid relationships where each person is getting their needs met.

You would be silly to believe that we all have the same needs and wants. We are all unique so it makes sense that we need to be responsible for learning all we can about ourselves and then seeking to understand what others are communicating with us.

Finding balance in your boundaries means that you are open to both giving and receiving but you have the responsibility for shutting out negative or harmful influences. It means sharing with trusted others where appropriate but being responsible for your own decisions and your own feelings. No one has the ability to take your power when you have clear boundaries. This does not mean that you will not feel negative emotions, simply that you can adjust your boundaries accordingly.

Boundaries are like a filter. Some things come in and some go out and the filter needs to be cleaned. The best way to clean your filter is to reflect on what it getting in and out and question the appropriateness of this. By re-evaluating and re-affirming your boundaries regularly, your filter remains clear and functional.

If you have no boundaries others will use you as their personal tool. Your life no longer belongs to you, and though this allows you to not have to think only respond, it leads to feelings of resentment and powerlessness.

If your boundaries are too firm you miss out on allowing others to share with you and you limit your opportunities to develop relationships with others.

Balance in your boundaries brings a sense of feeling solid and strong in your own power.

Boundaries are of thought, feeling and action. They are physical and emotional and spiritual.

When someone consistently violates your boundaries or behaves poorly or offensively you need to put up clear boundaries around your thinking and around your own behaviour so you are not continually exposed to hurtful experiences.

This is your responsibility to yourself. It is important and more than that it is essential for self-preservation.

You need to physically distance yourself, or mentally distance yourself. What the other person is thinking or feeling is not your personal business or your responsibility. If they wish to talk to you about it and it is safe to do so then you need to be very honest about your feelings.

Your actions have consequences and their actions have consequences. You need to act in a way that limits harm to yourself and does not harm another.

Whether they modify their behaviour is irrelevant. The point is that while ever your boundaries are in place and consistently upheld then they can choose to cease the harmful behaviour or interaction or they can choose not to. By not exposing yourself to harmful treatment you can get on with your life.

If the person continues to behave irresponsibly, aggressively, or harmfully you need to create a stronger and stronger consequence. If you need to remove yourself completely from a situation then you are within your rights to do so.

You are not responsible FOR others. You are only responsible TO others.

Your own physical, emotional, behavioural and spiritual safety must come first.

No longer expose yourself to others that negatively affect your health.

The World Needs You

Solid, firm, loving, clear foundations. These are the ingredients to a resilient and fulfilled life. We are always seeking to provide this stability to our loved ones to make life better for them, but what about for ourselves?

Are you are good partner to yourself? Do you listen when you speak? Do you hear what you have to say without judgement? Do you work with yourself to fulfil your deepest dreams?

We all want to be loved and respected and there is always a little bit of us that wants to be admired. When you squash that bit of yourself you become closed down and defensive. You do not want to be around others because you do not want to get interested again. You want the safety and protection of the womb where you can be a hermit in comfort and familiar territory.

But guess what? The world needs you. No matter how burnt out or disillusioned you have become. No matter how much your confidence has depleted and no matter how out of control the world seems to have become.

We don’t want to live in this world anymore, but this does not mean that we don’t want to live. We have outgrown the politics and the conflict and the pettiness of this world. We have grown weary of the gossip and the backstabbing and the showing off that seems to occur everywhere, pretty much all of the time.

We long to create loving, stable friendships but not feel obliged to connect with others all the time. We long for the peace of time out and time away without being considered weird or strange.

If these feelings resonate with you then you are ready for a new world, a world that is smoother, and calmer and truly lovely. A world that is inspiring and gentle and strange in all the right ways. You are looking for a land that is offbeat and a little bit quirky but absolutely protective, natural and oddly familiar. You are looking for a dream world where good things can be created instantly and the bad things get stopped before they appear. A world in which we can have our childhoods back, all the good bits and we can trust that our children are able to have this too.

And guess what? We can have it. We can have this new world that so many of us are longing for, but we need to create it. We cannot just hope anymore we need to take action to make this world better. We need to put aside our own judgments and pettiness and reach for something deeper. We have dreamed and imagined long enough and now we need to get out into the world with our skills and our talents and make things happen.

We need to stop questioning ourselves and our worth and just get in and give it a go, whatever it is that we want to try. The old world is gone and we are in charge of the new world. We can stand back and let the rough heads jump in and lead us or we can stand up and get on with what we are here to do.

Be a hermit crab and hide for a bit, but make sure you stick your head out every now and again and get some movement and action happening or else you will just become a rock.

Total Commitment

Today I was asked to consider the concept of Total Commitment. On the surface I would have said sure, I’m totally committed to my children and my family, myself and my work etc. but then I really stopped myself and questioned it. I realised that I have not been totally committed to anything lately.

Total commitment actually means no excuses, no ambivalence, no anxiety and no thought of failure. I have to honestly say that going by these measures I have not been totally committed to anything in a long, long time.

We think that total commitment is hard but in fact it is only the contemplating of whether you will commit that is hard. Once you make a clear firm decision it is easy.

Total commitment takes great courage and is not something that you undertake lightly but should you choose this path consciously and of your own free will it will help you to fly.

Now is the time to ask yourself what are you going to totally commit to, without hesitation or self doubt or excuses. What right now is of greatest and uncompromising importance? What will you commit to totally, irrespective of what others think?

Releasing Worry, Stress and Anxiety

The trick that trips us up is that we all think that worry and stress and anxiety are normal.  We all accept it as part of everyday life and yet it does not need to be.  Worry and stress and anxiety are created in our minds.  It is not real.

Holding onto these feelings is like trying to hold balloons underwater.  It takes a lot of energy and concentration and creates struggle.  Letting go however does not have to be hard at all.  You simply choose to let go.  It is not until your hands are free that you realise the effect that holding these feeling has had. Of course life may be difficult and challenging and sometimes down right impossible but you will feel better and be far more productive if you let go of the balloons and free yourself up to received the resources you need.

Take a few moments now to think of all the balloons that you are holding down.  Label each one in your mind if you can. The balloon could be a feeling or a situation.

Now consciously choose to let go of these balloons and visualise them bobbing up to the top of the water and floating away.

Notice that, as your burdens are lifted that you yourself feel lighter and are able to float, swim or stand freely in the water, refreshed and renewed.

Notice how you feel; if you feel anxious about letting go of your worries then imagine a balloon labelled anxiety over letting go of worries and then let that go.

 

Allow yourself to feel relaxed and free.

Personal Growth

In our society we feel split into a dichotomy between those who care and those who don’t.  We feel that it is either all or nothing.  We either drown ourselves in the sorrows of the world or we walk away completely and shut down to the emotional needs of others and selfishly indulge our own interests.

This is not however the case.  Sometimes we need to use discretion and wisdom to decide if it is a time to help or a time to allow space.

Many of us are going through crises of various kinds that must be faced independently.  We are being called to dramatically reassess our lives and our places in the world.

This can be very frightening but it is a necessary part of personal growth.  No one else can do this for you.  Whilst it is ever so important to realise during these times that you are loved and supported, the journey needs to be your own.

You may need time to be alone with yourself so that you can understand what is happening for you and may need time alone to connect with your own body and establish your own understanding of what is happening physically.

During these times being pulled back into the world by well meaning texts, tweets or messages and in fact any personal contact can be detrimental to this process.  Respect people’s rights to withdraw and transform.  Of course let them know you will be there when they are ready but for the most part what is needed is solitude.

In the past the pressures of the world created a mid life crisis where freedom from responsibility was the ultimate goal. These days, people of all ages are experiencing life crises where often the goal is to seek freedom from the world.

We can no longer sustain the immense time and emotional pressures and we are led to question whether we want to be here at all.

If you are in one of these crises it is important to realise that what you are craving is time out and a significant change in the way you live life.

Just because you shut down for a period of time is not an indicator that you are ‘one of those’ people that don’t care but simply that the most important lesson is to care for yourself first.    You have given too much and you are running on empty.

Unfortunately those of us who are givers and carers would find it more acceptable to die than to say no to the constant demands of others. This needs to change. It is possible to make a difference in the world with out responding with everything you have for every drama.

Make the choice to stop destroying yourself, not to stop living. Realise that calling back your own energy and your own power is the most important work that you will ever do.

Begin by visualising yourself at a petrol bowser that is full of light and energy.  Imagine that as you squeeze the handle or nozzle trigger, that this light begins to fill you with warmth and positivity and good feelings.  This light represents your personal power, the power and energy that you have given away or that others have taken from you.  Allow yourself to ‘fill up’ for as long as it takes for you to be full to overflowing.

Return to this exercise as often as needed.

Allow yourself time to spend in quiet contemplation.  Allow yourself to focus for 10 –15 minutes on the things that have overwhelmed you, on all the things that make you feel angry, sad, guilty or ashamed.

After you have done this, bless this list and be grateful that you have had these experiences.  Now tear it up or soak it in water or safely burn it and as you do this let these things go and allow yourself to receive healthy life affirming solutions to present themselves.

Imagine how you want your life to be and how you want to feel.

If it helps, complete the following sentences:

In the morning when I wake up I want to feel   ………
Throughout the day I have boundless energy because I   ……….
I feel at my most relaxed when I    …………
I sleep much better at night when I   ………….
My family and friends show me love by    ……….
I feel valued when I    …….

Then start small.  Pick one thing that you can change in your day to make it better.  Make it something personal and not involving other people.  Whether it’s having a warm drink, reading something inspiring or taking vitamins, make it something simple and measurable that you can do everyday just for you no matter how chaotic the day gets.

Whilst you do this tell yourself ‘I am doing this for me to make my life better.  I am taking this time for me because I deserve it and I am worthy.  Every day I am creating space for myself.  Each moment I create for myself regenerates my mind, body and spirit’.

Most importantly know that transitions and transformations don’t last for ever and that things will steadily improve. By giving yourself permission to transform and by struggling less against the positive changes that are occurring you will find that the hardest part is already done.

Creating Balance

Never underestimate the power of focus and single minded determination. When you put your goals in writing and really intentionally spend your day, you not only honour yourself but you begin to change.

Things start to get done. You start to feel more confident. You begin to have more energy for the task at hand and as a consequence your very health and quality of life improve dramatically. Surround yourself with inspiring people and the process takes on even more power.

When you create your goals and priorities, take time to dream on them. Write an initial list of what you think you should be doing or where you currently invest your time and energy. Do these areas of focus give you energy or take it away? Do your daily activities bring you closer to where you want to be or are they a distraction and time wasters?

If you removed all distraction from your day would you have enough attention to work on what you love?

Priorities are so important and yet we often do not stop to create them or we let other people create them for us.

Sometimes we think we will wait for our life purpose to find us and it never seems to come or alternatively we have a strong life purpose but are too overwhelmed to start working towards it.

In both circumstances we become emotionally crippled, lacking in energy and consistent motivation.

We find it easier to get sick, give up or trudge on through life in an area of work or activity that doesn’t serve us so that we don’t have to admit that we are afraid.

Well it’s time to get back to basics. A life purpose doesn’t actually have to be for life. Did you ever consider that you can start with a ‘right now purpose’?

This is a set of priorities that you can review every few months to help keep you focused.

Try setting your own priorities in the areas of work, rest, play and relationships.

Consider what you want your work to look like and what you would like to achieve.

Consider the ways you rest, recharge, relax and unwind.

Do you actually rest?

For many of us this might surprise us that the activities we think are restful and relaxing are actually winding us up. See if you can limit your rest list to activities that are genuinely restful and recharging for you.

Play is also an area where we either tend to do too much or too little. How do you balance your playtime? These are the areas where you might expend a lot of energy but it should also be giving a lot of energy and satisfaction back.

Relationships are interwoven between work, play and rest and it helps to have an intention as to what kind of relationships you are invested in or would like to attract.

Frustration can be greatly minimised if your relationships are sensitive to your priorities. For example, it is difficult to work if you are surrounded by people in rest or play mode and it is difficult to rest when others expect you to play or work. By creating clear boundaries and priorities in your head you can enjoy all of these areas in balance and you will begin to feel like you are thriving.

So make plans today to live with intention and to create a balance between work, rest and play and to enjoy all of the relationships you have been blessed with.