Discovering Self-Worth

I was a little Angel and God sent me down to Earth,
He said go now and explore yourself and measure your self-worth.

I said “well this is easy, too easy to be frank,
I’ll just go and sell myself to the local branch of the bank.
They will tell me how much I’m worth and pay a princely sum,
And then I’ll show God how much I’m worth now there will be some fun”.

But the bank they wouldn’t buy me, said self-worth is not measured by wealth,
So I thought ah yes of course it’s not, it must be measured by my health.
So I trotted to the doctor, but woe be had on me,
The doctor said my health was fine and then charged me a fee!

Well he must be a worthy man to charge others for his time,
Maybe education and career’s the answer they will put me in my prime.
And so I went along to school to earn a worthy degree,
But doubt kept creeping up on me maybe family is the key?

And so I quickly went to work to build a better me,
To find a job and find a home and start a family,
Surely doing all of this will show me what I’m worth?
And others will admire me isn’t that why I came to earth?

But somehow having everything made some of my friends seem mad.
It seemed they didn’t like me now with all these dreams I had.
So I got to thinking and I worried day and night,
What good is life without people who care? I’ve got to get this right!

So maybe it’s about sacrifice and giving dreams away?
Then people will admire me surely that’s a worthy price to pay?
And slowly I began to lose myself a little day by day,
Until one day I realized I’d completely lost my way.

***

Then one day I saw a feather fall, it landed in a tree.
I felt a tingling down my spine and asked ‘is this for me?’
I leaned gently over and picked it up, a tear formed in my eye,
A message: ‘Although you want to give it up, now’s the time to try.’

And so I sat and thought awhile about my special task,
And rather than do it on my own I decided to simply ask:

“God, I came here willingly with purpose and with pride,
And now I can’t remember, what I came here to find.
It’s foggy and confusing and I’m sad that I can’t see,
Can’t you send me someone, to make things clear for me?

And then I had a vision of floating by the sea,
An Angel stood and said my name and called it out to me.
I reached out my hand to call her near, wanting to be shown,
But then the vision disappeared and I was once again alone.

Maybe I’m learning about loneliness, or maybe not to care,
Maybe to reject everyone because when I need them they’re not there.
I just wish I could know my path how easy would it be?
Then I’d simply solve the riddle and then I’d be set free.

But the answer didn’t come like that, it developed over time,
As I learned to be gentle with me and all the emotions that were mine,

I realized that it was not my friends rejecting me at all,
It was myself, and all my fears, that led to my downfall.
Everyone was doing their best to play their worthy part,
I just needed to be gentle with myself and nurture my own heart.

So quietly I sat and spoke to God though I heard no reply,
I said “God I accept myself and I’m prepared to try.
I can only do my best and this is ok you see,
I hope you can find me worthy, for I feel worthy of me”

And suddenly I felt a shift occur, a lightness entered me,
And I felt I’d passed a test though one I couldn’t see.

***

Many years down the track, when I was peaceful in my bed,
God came along to take me home and this is what I said:

“What I am is precious; I can’t be bought or sold.
Others can admire me from birth till I grow old,
But no matter what I say or think or how I act or do,
My self-worth is always infinite because I am part of you”.

God smiled down and took my hand and I stood in the light,
“Now you finally understand there is no wrong or right.
You see that earth’s a learning ground, with many lessons tough,
But when you see through all the tricks you see it’s not so rough.”

“Would you like to go back down, another lesson to learn?
Or would you like to stay with me and let another have a turn?
You can watch and guide a little, to help them on their path,
But you cannot interfere and that’s the hardest part.”

I smiled at all the shining beings, beautiful Angels standing near,
Looking down at all the people on Earth and giving each a cheer,
And I was baffled by their loveliness and their beautiful shining wings,
And I was joyful and so curious to ask so many things.

“Were you all here when I was there, all cheering me on?”
“Of course we were and the more we cheered, you see, the more you shone.”
“But I don’t remember hearing you, or seeing you year after year,
And yet now I see the ways you helped it’s all becoming clear.”

“You sent me love; you sent me hope, when I was in despair,
You wrapped me up in loving arms when I felt that I would tear.
Yet how did you know I needed help
And what I was going through?”

And it was God who smiled down at me and said
“I understand because I’m a part of you.”

So now I’m a little Angel and I’m watching over you,
And what ever you are here to learn, I am here – cheering for you.