Boundaries

Boundaries are a form of protection but they are also the foundation for experiencing joy. When you are aware of yourself, your wants and needs and when others clearly communicate their wants and needs, you can more easily negotiate good solid relationships where each person is getting their needs met.

You would be silly to believe that we all have the same needs and wants. We are all unique so it makes sense that we need to be responsible for learning all we can about ourselves and then seeking to understand what others are communicating with us.

Finding balance in your boundaries means that you are open to both giving and receiving but you have the responsibility for shutting out negative or harmful influences. It means sharing with trusted others where appropriate but being responsible for your own decisions and your own feelings. No one has the ability to take your power when you have clear boundaries. This does not mean that you will not feel negative emotions, simply that you can adjust your boundaries accordingly.

Boundaries are like a filter. Some things come in and some go out and the filter needs to be cleaned. The best way to clean your filter is to reflect on what it getting in and out and question the appropriateness of this. By re-evaluating and re-affirming your boundaries regularly, your filter remains clear and functional.

If you have no boundaries others will use you as their personal tool. Your life no longer belongs to you, and though this allows you to not have to think only respond, it leads to feelings of resentment and powerlessness.

If your boundaries are too firm you miss out on allowing others to share with you and you limit your opportunities to develop relationships with others.

Balance in your boundaries brings a sense of feeling solid and strong in your own power.

Boundaries are of thought, feeling and action. They are physical and emotional and spiritual.

When someone consistently violates your boundaries or behaves poorly or offensively you need to put up clear boundaries around your thinking and around your own behaviour so you are not continually exposed to hurtful experiences.

This is your responsibility to yourself. It is important and more than that it is essential for self-preservation.

You need to physically distance yourself, or mentally distance yourself. What the other person is thinking or feeling is not your personal business or your responsibility. If they wish to talk to you about it and it is safe to do so then you need to be very honest about your feelings.

Your actions have consequences and their actions have consequences. You need to act in a way that limits harm to yourself and does not harm another.

Whether they modify their behaviour is irrelevant. The point is that while ever your boundaries are in place and consistently upheld then they can choose to cease the harmful behaviour or interaction or they can choose not to. By not exposing yourself to harmful treatment you can get on with your life.

If the person continues to behave irresponsibly, aggressively, or harmfully you need to create a stronger and stronger consequence. If you need to remove yourself completely from a situation then you are within your rights to do so.

You are not responsible FOR others. You are only responsible TO others.

Your own physical, emotional, behavioural and spiritual safety must come first.

No longer expose yourself to others that negatively affect your health.