In our society we feel split into a dichotomy between those who care and those who don’t. We feel that it is either all or nothing. We either drown ourselves in the sorrows of the world or we walk away completely and shut down to the emotional needs of others and selfishly indulge our own interests.
This is not however the case. Sometimes we need to use discretion and wisdom to decide if it is a time to help or a time to allow space.
Many of us are going through crises of various kinds that must be faced independently. We are being called to dramatically reassess our lives and our places in the world.
This can be very frightening but it is a necessary part of personal growth. No one else can do this for you. Whilst it is ever so important to realise during these times that you are loved and supported, the journey needs to be your own.
You may need time to be alone with yourself so that you can understand what is happening for you and may need time alone to connect with your own body and establish your own understanding of what is happening physically.
During these times being pulled back into the world by well meaning texts, tweets or messages and in fact any personal contact can be detrimental to this process. Respect people’s rights to withdraw and transform. Of course let them know you will be there when they are ready but for the most part what is needed is solitude.
In the past the pressures of the world created a mid life crisis where freedom from responsibility was the ultimate goal. These days, people of all ages are experiencing life crises where often the goal is to seek freedom from the world.
We can no longer sustain the immense time and emotional pressures and we are led to question whether we want to be here at all.
If you are in one of these crises it is important to realise that what you are craving is time out and a significant change in the way you live life.
Just because you shut down for a period of time is not an indicator that you are ‘one of those’ people that don’t care but simply that the most important lesson is to care for yourself first. You have given too much and you are running on empty.
Unfortunately those of us who are givers and carers would find it more acceptable to die than to say no to the constant demands of others. This needs to change. It is possible to make a difference in the world with out responding with everything you have for every drama.
Make the choice to stop destroying yourself, not to stop living. Realise that calling back your own energy and your own power is the most important work that you will ever do.
Begin by visualising yourself at a petrol bowser that is full of light and energy. Imagine that as you squeeze the handle or nozzle trigger, that this light begins to fill you with warmth and positivity and good feelings. This light represents your personal power, the power and energy that you have given away or that others have taken from you. Allow yourself to ‘fill up’ for as long as it takes for you to be full to overflowing.
Return to this exercise as often as needed.
Allow yourself time to spend in quiet contemplation. Allow yourself to focus for 10 –
After you have done this, bless this list and be grateful that you have had these experiences. Now tear it up or soak it in water or safely burn it and as you do this let these things go and allow yourself to receive healthy life affirming solutions to present themselves.
Imagine how you want your life to be and how you want to feel.
If it helps, complete the following sentences:
In the morning when I wake up I want to feel ………
Throughout the day I have boundless energy because I ……….
I feel at my most relaxed when I …………
I sleep much better at night when I ………….
My family and friends show me love by ……….
I feel valued when I …….
Then start small. Pick one thing that you can change in your day to make it better. Make it something personal and not involving other people. Whether it’s having a warm drink, reading something inspiring or taking vitamins, make it something simple and measurable that you can do everyday just for you no matter how chaotic the day gets.
Whilst you do this tell yourself ‘I am doing this for me to make my life better. I am taking this time for me because I deserve it and I am worthy. Every day I am creating space for myself. Each moment I create for myself regenerates my mind, body and spirit’.
Most importantly know that transitions and transformations don’t last for ever and that things will steadily improve. By giving yourself permission to transform and by struggling less against the positive changes that are occurring you will find that the hardest part is already done.