Category: Transforming

Solid, firm, loving, clear foundations. These are the ingredients to a resilient and fulfilled life. We are always seeking to provide this stability to our loved ones to make life better for them, but what about for ourselves?

Are you are good partner to yourself? Do you listen when you speak? Do you hear what you have to say without judgement? Do you work with yourself to fulfil your deepest dreams?

We all want to be loved and respected and there is always a little bit of us that wants to be admired. When you squash that bit of yourself you become closed down and defensive. You do not want to be around others because you do not want to get interested again. You want the safety and protection of the womb where you can be a hermit in comfort and familiar territory.

But guess what? The world needs you. No matter how burnt out or disillusioned you have become. No matter how much your confidence has depleted and no matter how out of control the world seems to have become.

We don’t want to live in this world anymore, but this does not mean that we don’t want to live. We have outgrown the politics and the conflict and the pettiness of this world. We have grown weary of the gossip and the backstabbing and the showing off that seems to occur everywhere, pretty much all of the time.

We long to create loving, stable friendships but not feel obliged to connect with others all the time. We long for the peace of time out and time away without being considered weird or strange.

If these feelings resonate with you then you are ready for a new world, a world that is smoother, and calmer and truly lovely. A world that is inspiring and gentle and strange in all the right ways. You are looking for a land that is offbeat and a little bit quirky but absolutely protective, natural and oddly familiar. You are looking for a dream world where good things can be created instantly and the bad things get stopped before they appear. A world in which we can have our childhoods back, all the good bits and we can trust that our children are able to have this too.

And guess what? We can have it. We can have this new world that so many of us are longing for, but we need to create it. We cannot just hope anymore we need to take action to make this world better. We need to put aside our own judgments and pettiness and reach for something deeper. We have dreamed and imagined long enough and now we need to get out into the world with our skills and our talents and make things happen.

We need to stop questioning ourselves and our worth and just get in and give it a go, whatever it is that we want to try. The old world is gone and we are in charge of the new world. We can stand back and let the rough heads jump in and lead us or we can stand up and get on with what we are here to do.

Be a hermit crab and hide for a bit, but make sure you stick your head out every now and again and get some movement and action happening or else you will just become a rock.

Today I was asked to consider the concept of Total Commitment. On the surface I would have said sure, I’m totally committed to my children and my family, myself and my work etc. but then I really stopped myself and questioned it. I realised that I have not been totally committed to anything lately.

Total commitment actually means no excuses, no ambivalence, no anxiety and no thought of failure. I have to honestly say that going by these measures I have not been totally committed to anything in a long, long time.

We think that total commitment is hard but in fact it is only the contemplating of whether you will commit that is hard. Once you make a clear firm decision it is easy.

Total commitment takes great courage and is not something that you undertake lightly but should you choose this path consciously and of your own free will it will help you to fly.

Now is the time to ask yourself what are you going to totally commit to, without hesitation or self doubt or excuses. What right now is of greatest and uncompromising importance? What will you commit to totally, irrespective of what others think?

The trick that trips us up is that we all think that worry and stress and anxiety are normal.  We all accept it as part of everyday life and yet it does not need to be.  Worry and stress and anxiety are created in our minds.  It is not real.

Holding onto these feelings is like trying to hold balloons underwater.  It takes a lot of energy and concentration and creates struggle.  Letting go however does not have to be hard at all.  You simply choose to let go.  It is not until your hands are free that you realise the effect that holding these feeling has had. Of course life may be difficult and challenging and sometimes down right impossible but you will feel better and be far more productive if you let go of the balloons and free yourself up to received the resources you need.

Take a few moments now to think of all the balloons that you are holding down.  Label each one in your mind if you can. The balloon could be a feeling or a situation.

Now consciously choose to let go of these balloons and visualise them bobbing up to the top of the water and floating away.

Notice that, as your burdens are lifted that you yourself feel lighter and are able to float, swim or stand freely in the water, refreshed and renewed.

Notice how you feel; if you feel anxious about letting go of your worries then imagine a balloon labelled anxiety over letting go of worries and then let that go.

 

Allow yourself to feel relaxed and free.

In our society we feel split into a dichotomy between those who care and those who don’t.  We feel that it is either all or nothing.  We either drown ourselves in the sorrows of the world or we walk away completely and shut down to the emotional needs of others and selfishly indulge our own interests.

This is not however the case.  Sometimes we need to use discretion and wisdom to decide if it is a time to help or a time to allow space.

Many of us are going through crises of various kinds that must be faced independently.  We are being called to dramatically reassess our lives and our places in the world.

This can be very frightening but it is a necessary part of personal growth.  No one else can do this for you.  Whilst it is ever so important to realise during these times that you are loved and supported, the journey needs to be your own.

You may need time to be alone with yourself so that you can understand what is happening for you and may need time alone to connect with your own body and establish your own understanding of what is happening physically.

During these times being pulled back into the world by well meaning texts, tweets or messages and in fact any personal contact can be detrimental to this process.  Respect people’s rights to withdraw and transform.  Of course let them know you will be there when they are ready but for the most part what is needed is solitude.

In the past the pressures of the world created a mid life crisis where freedom from responsibility was the ultimate goal. These days, people of all ages are experiencing life crises where often the goal is to seek freedom from the world.

We can no longer sustain the immense time and emotional pressures and we are led to question whether we want to be here at all.

If you are in one of these crises it is important to realise that what you are craving is time out and a significant change in the way you live life.

Just because you shut down for a period of time is not an indicator that you are ‘one of those’ people that don’t care but simply that the most important lesson is to care for yourself first.    You have given too much and you are running on empty.

Unfortunately those of us who are givers and carers would find it more acceptable to die than to say no to the constant demands of others. This needs to change. It is possible to make a difference in the world with out responding with everything you have for every drama.

Make the choice to stop destroying yourself, not to stop living. Realise that calling back your own energy and your own power is the most important work that you will ever do.

Begin by visualising yourself at a petrol bowser that is full of light and energy.  Imagine that as you squeeze the handle or nozzle trigger, that this light begins to fill you with warmth and positivity and good feelings.  This light represents your personal power, the power and energy that you have given away or that others have taken from you.  Allow yourself to ‘fill up’ for as long as it takes for you to be full to overflowing.

Return to this exercise as often as needed.

Allow yourself time to spend in quiet contemplation.  Allow yourself to focus for 10 –15 minutes on the things that have overwhelmed you, on all the things that make you feel angry, sad, guilty or ashamed.

After you have done this, bless this list and be grateful that you have had these experiences.  Now tear it up or soak it in water or safely burn it and as you do this let these things go and allow yourself to receive healthy life affirming solutions to present themselves.

Imagine how you want your life to be and how you want to feel.

If it helps, complete the following sentences:

In the morning when I wake up I want to feel   ………
Throughout the day I have boundless energy because I   ……….
I feel at my most relaxed when I    …………
I sleep much better at night when I   ………….
My family and friends show me love by    ……….
I feel valued when I    …….

Then start small.  Pick one thing that you can change in your day to make it better.  Make it something personal and not involving other people.  Whether it’s having a warm drink, reading something inspiring or taking vitamins, make it something simple and measurable that you can do everyday just for you no matter how chaotic the day gets.

Whilst you do this tell yourself ‘I am doing this for me to make my life better.  I am taking this time for me because I deserve it and I am worthy.  Every day I am creating space for myself.  Each moment I create for myself regenerates my mind, body and spirit’.

Most importantly know that transitions and transformations don’t last for ever and that things will steadily improve. By giving yourself permission to transform and by struggling less against the positive changes that are occurring you will find that the hardest part is already done.

Never underestimate the power of focus and single minded determination. When you put your goals in writing and really intentionally spend your day, you not only honour yourself but you begin to change.

Things start to get done. You start to feel more confident. You begin to have more energy for the task at hand and as a consequence your very health and quality of life improve dramatically. Surround yourself with inspiring people and the process takes on even more power.

When you create your goals and priorities, take time to dream on them. Write an initial list of what you think you should be doing or where you currently invest your time and energy. Do these areas of focus give you energy or take it away? Do your daily activities bring you closer to where you want to be or are they a distraction and time wasters?

If you removed all distraction from your day would you have enough attention to work on what you love?

Priorities are so important and yet we often do not stop to create them or we let other people create them for us.

Sometimes we think we will wait for our life purpose to find us and it never seems to come or alternatively we have a strong life purpose but are too overwhelmed to start working towards it.

In both circumstances we become emotionally crippled, lacking in energy and consistent motivation.

We find it easier to get sick, give up or trudge on through life in an area of work or activity that doesn’t serve us so that we don’t have to admit that we are afraid.

Well it’s time to get back to basics. A life purpose doesn’t actually have to be for life. Did you ever consider that you can start with a ‘right now purpose’?

This is a set of priorities that you can review every few months to help keep you focused.

Try setting your own priorities in the areas of work, rest, play and relationships.

Consider what you want your work to look like and what you would like to achieve.

Consider the ways you rest, recharge, relax and unwind.

Do you actually rest?

For many of us this might surprise us that the activities we think are restful and relaxing are actually winding us up. See if you can limit your rest list to activities that are genuinely restful and recharging for you.

Play is also an area where we either tend to do too much or too little. How do you balance your playtime? These are the areas where you might expend a lot of energy but it should also be giving a lot of energy and satisfaction back.

Relationships are interwoven between work, play and rest and it helps to have an intention as to what kind of relationships you are invested in or would like to attract.

Frustration can be greatly minimised if your relationships are sensitive to your priorities. For example, it is difficult to work if you are surrounded by people in rest or play mode and it is difficult to rest when others expect you to play or work. By creating clear boundaries and priorities in your head you can enjoy all of these areas in balance and you will begin to feel like you are thriving.

So make plans today to live with intention and to create a balance between work, rest and play and to enjoy all of the relationships you have been blessed with.

When you undergo a personal transformation you begin to see the world as distinctly different to the way you did before. There may be a clear separation between your old life and your new one.  It is a chance to start fresh, to learn new ways of thinking, feeling and acting in the world.

For some of you it may involve significant changes in your work or your health or in your relationships.  This is part of life.

Although you may have struggled to let go of this old world it is nothing compared to the struggle that others will be going through, trying to keep you the same. They are terrified that they are losing you. They may see the new you as inferior or broken and will do what they can to get you ‘back to normal’.

Being pulled back into the old world and your old self may feel frustrating and make you angry but remember that the people around you don’t realize that you needed to change or they really would have lost you.

During this new phase of life, begin to experience the world again. Enjoy the way food tastes and pay attention to how your body feels. Try new interests and get out in nature.

The more you get to know this new self the more comfortable you will feel about developing new skills.

A transformation or major change in your life allows you to develop skills from what you used to consider your weaknesses.

In many ways you are like an elite athlete who trains heavily in one area or for one event. You have become truly exceptional in this area and have been exceeding even your own expectations however, now that you have mastered those skills it is time to develop a new set.

When the athlete decides to retire or pull back from their careers, they leave a lot of disappointed people in their wake and they often feel lost and out of their comfort zones as they realize that they don’t know how to cook or sleep in or truly relax.

What is needed is time and space and if nurtured and supported they emerge again as role models and inspirations in other ways.

If you are transforming know that others are not really trying to sabotage you, they just want things back the way things were.

However, the caterpillar cannot turn back into the caterpillar once it is transformed into the butterfly. It can fondly remember its old life but not at the cost of living the new life.
Now is a time of embracing the new you, your new thoughts, feelings and interests.

It’s a time for learning and study and seeing what you can do in a new area. In time you may find that others love and respect and enjoy the company of the butterfly just as much.

When we dream bigger, aim higher and sing louder we open up a world that we had forgotten. We begin to understand that it is the dream that erases our lethargy.  It is the dream that returns to us our purpose, our desire and our destiny and it is the dream that ensures our prosperity and good health.

By remembering to dream big you unlock your potential, your wonder and your sense of self esteem.  By aiming high you respect yourself, you respect and value the contributions of others and you make a difference.

We live in an incredible world, a planet full of endless possibility and yet we feel so small.  This feeling of powerlessness leads to depression, frustration and rage.

Those who lash out at others do so in an effort to feel heard, to feel that they matter and that they can make an impact.

When no one notices the good deeds the only way to send a message seems to be through bad.

The solution to this is not more violence, vengeance and horror, the solution is to listen and hear that things need to change.  We cannot live this way anymore.

We have discovered, in technology, a medium where we can talk.  We can share our thoughts and feelings but we have forgotten that communication is two way and we are discovering that we are talking and no one listens.

We have learnt to say a lot but not convey what we truly mean and we have learnt to judge more quickly and more harshly than ever before.

We have learnt to jump in on discussions out of context and to be an expert on things that we do not fully understand.

We have learnt to participate for the sake of participating and in doing so we have become distant and separated from ourselves.

We no longer know what we like; we just know what will get liked.  We have become like kindergartners desperate to show what we did today and get approval for it.

But why have we all reverted to being children again? Why do we play favourites and tease and bully and act and speak with out thinking? Why is it that our children at 2 and 3 are demonstrating more moral values and more understanding and empathy than all of us grown ups?

Where did things go wrong and how can we use this technology to our benefit?

We are behaving like children with no parents.  Revelling in the freedom to say whatever we want when ever we want without regard to others and while we do this we are creating a generation of children without parents.

A generation of children who cannot look their parents in the eye because their eyes are elsewhere; a generation of children that has to wait because their parents cannot, a generation of children without love because their parents are too busy for it, not because of work but because of the addiction to technology.

Technology is wonderful but is it time for an intervention?  We don’t want to hear that we have become lost or that we might need to change because we are happy, right?  We like to live this way; we love the way things are, don’t we?  Well, we don’t remember any other way now do we?

We don’t need to go backwards and we don’t need to give up the wonders of the world but lets just think for a moment, with our own hearts and our own minds, about the impact that our technology has on our minds and our families and our communities.  When we switch off and become consumed with filling in our time, nothing gets better.  Things fall apart around us and get harder to repair but nothing gets better.

 

Do not give up your technology but remember to dream.  You may surprise yourself at how satisfying your dreams may become.